Business Communication Skills- Do NOT Learn From Clowns

In a previous life (two years ago) I was a store manager for a prominent retail store in the area. I quite enjoyed working for the company and was often selected to educate and mentor M.I.T.s (Manager In Training) while managing the store. I was also called in to counsel other store managers in any number of subjects related to business matters.

My training was considered mildly unorthodox as I would take my trainees and put them in real life situations, working with customers directly instead of hiding them in the back and waiting for them to finish their programs. In almost every instance, they passed with flying colors, able to answer to anything the upper echelon asked them or required them to perform. I enjoyed the teaching part as much as the business part of the job and looked forward to having new people to teach once my students had moved on to their own stores or were selected to work on my staff. During specific points of the year, a small retail store can employ anywhere from 60 - 120 people, both part-time and full-time. I generally ran on smaller but better educated staff members, although i was often sent to other stores for special missions. That usually caused my staff numbers to go up for the extra aid to my assistants while I was absent.

Though I moved on to a far more enjoyable career recently, I am often asked questions from former employees and current friends "What is the most important part of a successful business?" My answer is always "communication."

But I've left out the clowns. You wanted to hear about the clowns, yes? One of my favorite stories.

One of the training protocols I put the MITs through was recruiting, which was a very communications heavy event. We would go out to either college campuses or to malls and meet people that we thought would make a good fit for our staff. Even as an assistant manager, I got to take the MITs out for this fun excersize.

One of my former students admitted that she did like clowns, as there was a children's show going on in one of the malls where we were visiting. I suggested we could go down there to see if there was anyone we could engage in conversation. When you're approaching a client or a customer, I often recommend a front, visual approach, where you are smiling, keeping eye contact, and willing to listen, not just talk. While we were there at the clown show, a customer that had been in our store recently stopped by to talk to my student, who had been wonderful with her customer service. Behind us were clowns dancing around in full make up and costumes, to the delight of the children.

Then everything went wrong.

My student (We'll call her Casey) was chatting away when a balloon animal flashed by her head and she turned to see a giant clown standing right behind her. Needless to say, she screamed, ran over our nice customer, and managed to make it up a flight of stairs and into the store in under 20 seconds. While I was picking the lady off the floor, I watched the clown, who was embarrassed by his stunt, call after her repeatedly. I went and got Casey, and after a minute or two she calmed down and laughed about the situation. Then we went out recruiting again. Which led us past the clowns after 15 minutes.

Mr. Clown saw us coming from at least 200 yards away. It was a slow motion horror film. He grabbed his balloon animal, ignoring the kids, and started running at us while we were talking to a potential recruit. Casey saw the flash out of the corner of her eye, and like the Road Runner, sprinted faster than I could imagine in a pair of flip flops. Damage done. Not only does she hate clowns now, she flips out anytime she sees something flash in the corner of her eye.

So you're a business professional. You work with clients and prospective clients every day. You make money by helping other people make money. So let's talk about those clients and prospective clients. They want a solid, good natured person they can trust and understand without feeling too pressured or surprised by anything that can be negative. So while communicating with them, I have a few rules:

For Your Communication Skills:

1. Don't scare your clients or prospects by surprising them, no matter how good your intentions.
2. Do not throw or flash things next to them or in front of them. Be organized and meticulous, especially when you're being professional.
3. Do not let clowns get to your clients. Don't be a clown yourself.
4. Don't pick up communication skills from clowns. They're entertainers, not business professionals. The ties they wear are not a positive fashion statement.

Casey went on to be a very successful manager and moved up in another company with those few communication rules. She makes a lot of money now, but whenever she sees clowns, she'll run. Recently her fiancee brought her to a birthday party for his nephew, which had a clown present. THAT clown recently retired citing "sustained injuries from a car accident."